respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
