hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
