Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
