very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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