high people should be assigned attendants
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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