Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
