her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
so let's talk penis.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
