Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
There are leaves in my underwear?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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