ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
So squirting runs in the family.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
