they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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