Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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