I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
