Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
