I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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