If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
