if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
