Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
