I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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