i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
