I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
