How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm just crazy horny about you
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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