gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
