I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
