I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
