Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
