Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
