i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
