chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
