So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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