In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
