Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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