Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
