he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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