Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
