Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Randomize
