i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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