i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
