Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
