That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
