If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
