after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
