remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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