good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
