I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
