winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
