I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
