batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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