I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
