My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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