Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
