She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
